just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
