That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
