Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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