I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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