I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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