I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
