she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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