We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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