I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
