Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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