Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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