Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
