she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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