Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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