Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
