I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
