If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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