Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
