she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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