can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
