So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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