Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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