To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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