He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
