2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
