If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
