A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bring money and cleavage
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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