Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
