Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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