If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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