i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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