thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
