Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
