He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
