I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
