if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
