Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
