remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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