he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
