I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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