You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
