I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How external is "for external use only"?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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