How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
