Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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