my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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