after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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