VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
