Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
