my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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