My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
